Thursday, September 4, 2008


In a recent conversation a few weeks back I was told "I did not want to talk about him to you, I did not want to MAKE you sad."

Well when Phillip first passed away, I read some articles about grief and such, this was one of the things they tell you to get ready for; People not wanting to talk about your child, THINKING they are sparing you grief (HUH that's funny), AND to be ready for people (not close to you) to stop talking about the person and slowly forgetting about the pain. I know to some this makes NO sense to you at all, but its a world I live in that most of you do not know (it is explained well here )So with that said, my world is hard and is about to go through another HARDEST part of the year... While everyone around is welcoming Fall, then Winter months, I have to "put on" my happy face and feel my pain stronger all over again! Starting in September and it lasts all the way until January, to much to explain, I'm not always speaking about this openly, but for now this is what I want to do...... So that's it, bare with me!!:)


Go ahead and mention my child,

the one that DIED, you know.

Don't worry about hurting me further.

The depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry,

I'm already crying inside.

Help me to heal by releasing

the tears that I try to hide.

I'm hurt when you just keep silent,

pretending he didn't exist.

Id rather you mention my child,

knowing that he has been missed.

You ask me how I'm doing.

I say, "Pretty good", or "Fine",

But healing is something ONGOING....

I feel it will take a lifetime.

Elizabeth Dent

The Child's First Grief

"Oh, call my brother back to me,

I cannot play alone;

The summer comes with flower and bee,

Where is my brother gone?

The flowers run wild, the flowers we loved

Around our meadow and trees;

Our bush is drooping with its load,

Oh, call him back to me"!

"He wouldn't hear thy voice, dear child,

He cannot come to thee .

His face that once like summer smiled

On earth no more you ll see.

A roses brief bright life of cheer,

Such unto him is given.

Go, thou must play alone, my dear,

Thy brother is in heaven."

"But he has left his birds and flowers,

And must I call in vain?

And through the long, long, summer hours,

Will he not come again?

And by the brook, and in the glade,

Are all our wanderings o'er?

Oh, while my brother with me played

Would I have loved him more!"

Felicia D. Hemens

(change sister to brother)


Joshswife said...

Wish I could hug you!

Lady Dorothy said...

It actually blessed ME that you and Li'l Paul talked briefly about Phillip last Sunday evening. I don't want to "forget" Phillip. I sometimes want to tell mutual new friends all about him, because I think they are missing out on a large part of who your family really is. I still miss him.

Melanie said...

I stumbled across your blog through Ms Dorothy's and I wanted to let you know that I was struggling with this very issue just yesterday. A young couple from our church lost their baby last week and I was wondering (that's where the struggling came in) if I should talk to them about him or what (Mong. culture kind of goes against that). When I read your post it helped me to realize that we need to talk about him and call him by name and remember him ON PURPOSE. His life blessed so many people and we don't want to forget him or somehow act like he never even was.

Yesterday the baby's mommy and daddy came to our house to get some pictures of him off of our computer. I was relieved to see that they were eager to talk about him and use his name (Mongolians usually just say "deceased")and tearfully reminisce with us. It was definitely a healing time for all of us.

Thank you for this candid post and for enlightening me on how to help those who grieve the loss of a child.

God bless you as you remember and continue to heal a little bit more every day.


Sarah-Kate* said...

That's so neat that you posted this TODAY-- as I was watering my yard and "garden" THIS morning, I was planning what I wanted to do. Joel is supposed to weed some of it, then I am going to plant the seeds from his memorial that I have been saving all this time!!!! So every time you come over, you'll see the flowers and remember your little birdie!!!! :-) YEA!!!!!

Gombojav Tribe said...

The kids and I recently finished a weeklong study about heaven. We talked about what kinds of things would be in heaven and who would be there. And we talked about Phillip. We talked about how they would see him again.

Just so you know, the Gombojav kids have not forgotten him.

Love you, Leona!