Phillip Jeremiah

A year ago today is when my little boy was taken from me. I cant believe it has been a year since I held him. I could never ever began to explain how much I miss him, there are no words to describe the emptiness in my life without him; everywhere I go I feel like something is missing, as if my family is not complete. To mothers out there let me just touch the surface of what I feel like; have you ever been without your child for an hour, or a day or even a week, you know the feeling of anxiety to get back to your baby? And you know you are counting down the moments until you see him again, wanting to hold them, smell them, kiss them, see there smile, there warm hugs and just grab them up and love on them, well for me its been a YEAR of that horrible lost feeling, missing/wanting him with ME. There is so much I miss about him, to share just a few;

I miss his adorable face

I miss his wobbly legs

I miss his way he said "ma,ma"

I miss him saying "Paa" (for Lil.Paul)

I miss his little fingers signing (DEMANDING) for "more"

I miss his dry cereal all over the kitchen floor

I miss his wet chewed pieces of paper from his books

I miss waking up to toys on the floor that he threw out of the crib

I miss watching him and Lil.Paul playing together

I miss being proud of EVERY little accomplishment he made

I miss him grabbing hold of any plate with food set in front of him if you were not watching!

I miss the way he threw a ball

I miss how he always acknowledged someone with a handshake

I miss how he kissed me with an open mouth

I miss how he would try to take the gum out of my mouth, sometimes I gave it to him!

I miss soy milk

I miss being known as "Phillips mom" not Leona;)

I miss feeling like I had a very important job

I miss anticipating him walking, getting his last teeth, talking more, and any other special event

I miss putting his hands around my neck to help him hug me

I miss his giggle

I miss how he would roll all over the house

I miss him in the "play room" with Lil.Paul

I miss singing to him

I miss him trying to do my Tae-boe exercise tape

I miss him singing

I miss the bathroom floor soaked from him and Lil.Paul splashing in the bath

I miss how Lil.Paul and him would play "hide and seek"

I miss seeing him in the car seat when I look through my car mirror

I miss his "wave"

I miss him "blowing kisses"

I miss him reaching out to me

I miss his little hands clapping with excitement

I miss SO Much about him!!

One day I know I will be with him again.

I love you Phillip!
Ma ma.....

Our Christmas 2007

This was a really nice Christmas together;

On Christmas Eve day we went to my in-laws in Morro Bay, where we relaxed ate and opened presents. Lil.Paul got lots of nice things, to name a few: Wac Moles game, HUGE art set, candy, clothes and some other fun toys.

Later that evening we went over to my sister Peachys where we made cookies, ate yummy Sopes, watched a movie and relaxed together. Christmas day we stood at our home for the morning and opened presents brought by Santa, Lil.Paul got lots of nice things here too: a "motorcycle", lots of movies, games, and all sorts of art supplies! I made Big Paul a calender of his fav. photos, got him a new Harley wallet, and some other stuff. I got some oils, slippers, and Big Paul made me a picture frame to put our family photo in! Earlier this month we purchased our "own" big gifts, big Paul got a nice digital camera and I got an exercise bike!

In the late morning we went back over to Peachys where we ate Tamales for breakfast, then opened MORE gifts! Oh my, did we have LOTS of gifts to open, we were all VERY generous this year;) I got a TON of stuff: lots of cute clothes, candle holder, candle, hair stuff, and a trunk organizer. Lil.Paul and Preston scored big too: clothes, PJ's., LOTS of toys and MONEY:) Big Paul had himself a pretty huge pile too: LOTS of flannel shirts (he stated he collects them), thermals, socks, and a sweatshirt. It was too much fun opening our presents, we do it all in a circle and go one by one, so it takes A LONG TIME!!

Some funny highlights of the present opening:

My niece Jordan (almost five yr. old) got a "big girl" bra from Ti Ti Olivia and fake nails.

My sis. Peachy got a sexy lingerie with ovulation tester and pregnancy test from me;) (they are trying)

My brother John smells and hugs all his gifts!

Brother in-law John complains his electronic Monopoly came with no dice and they were in his hand the whole time while searching!!

We adults were actually fighting to take our turn out of line, not even the kids did this!

A very very special tree was with us for Phillip, where my sister Peachy had everyone bring ornaments that told a story and they shared it with me. Some of them were:

A little puppy, which was like Phillips favorite toy he played with always. A suction cup ball (made into an ornament) that he actually loved to play with at Olivia's house, a little boy angel, a little girl with lots of curls (because he always played with Jordan's hair (pulled it too;), the bird from Snoopy (I called him my birdie), and lots more. Also there were mini picture frames with pictures of the family and him. I got to bring this home with me, I loved it!



We really did have a wonderful Christmas, I love this time of year, and even though it was so very hard not to have my family complete God got me through it with my family's support!

I hope you enjoy my photos:)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is fun!

I saw this on a friends blog and just HAD to do it; I'm always asked "who do they look more like?" So here it is:)

(I don't know why it says "lola"?)

Isn't that fun?! I always knew they looked more like me, even though MOST people say they look like Dad;)