A year ago today is when my little boy was taken from me. I cant believe it has been a year since I held him. I could never ever began to explain how much I miss him, there are no words to describe the emptiness in my life without him; everywhere I go I feel like something is missing, as if my family is not complete. To mothers out there let me just touch the surface of what I feel like; have you ever been without your child for an hour, or a day or even a week, you know the feeling of anxiety to get back to your baby? And you know you are counting down the moments until you see him again, wanting to hold them, smell them, kiss them, see there smile, there warm hugs and just grab them up and love on them, well for me its been a YEAR of that horrible lost feeling, missing/wanting him with ME. There is so much I miss about him, to share just a few;
I miss his adorable face
I miss his wobbly legs
I miss his way he said "ma,ma"
I miss him saying "Paa" (for Lil.Paul)
I miss his little fingers signing (DEMANDING) for "more"
I miss his dry cereal all over the kitchen floor
I miss his wet chewed pieces of paper from his books
I miss waking up to toys on the floor that he threw out of the crib
I miss watching him and Lil.Paul playing together
I miss being proud of EVERY little accomplishment he made
I miss him grabbing hold of any plate with food set in front of him if you were not watching!
I miss the way he threw a ball
I miss how he always acknowledged someone with a handshake
I miss how he kissed me with an open mouth
I miss how he would try to take the gum out of my mouth, sometimes I gave it to him!
I miss soy milk
I miss being known as "Phillips mom" not Leona;)
I miss feeling like I had a very important job
I miss anticipating him walking, getting his last teeth, talking more, and any other special event
I miss putting his hands around my neck to help him hug me
I miss his giggle
I miss how he would roll all over the house
I miss him in the "play room" with Lil.Paul
I miss singing to him
I miss him trying to do my Tae-boe exercise tape
I miss him singing
I miss the bathroom floor soaked from him and Lil.Paul splashing in the bath
I miss how Lil.Paul and him would play "hide and seek"
I miss seeing him in the car seat when I look through my car mirror
I miss his "wave"
I miss him "blowing kisses"
I miss him reaching out to me
I miss his little hands clapping with excitement
I miss SO Much about him!!
One day I know I will be with him again.
I love you Phillip!